Something that I cant speak out

Still remember two years ago in March, because of the long weekend holiday, My friends and I decided to have some fun at a resort in Bintan. After prepared everything and bought some snacks, we started our journey. we were 6 persons all together.

We choosed "that" resort bcoz of the price was quite cheap and they can picked us up at Pinang Harbor. the service there was gud maybe bcoz the resort is a new built one.

After reached that place, as usual we have a welcoming drink, after that they took us to our booked villa. Along the way, I can see there still so much place havent finished developing and the distance from one to another villa was quite far away.

Reached Villa, We openned the door and we all rushed in to pick the best room for ourselves. It has three rooms in it, one room with a big double bed and two others with two single beds.
Quickly with all my strength I run into the best room big double bed with a huge rolling  window full on the wall beside the bed

When I stepped into the room. Suddenly I felt very strange although the room was very bright with sunlight in it. I felt somehow eerie and I was goosebumped. you know sometimes human has sixth sense but I just ignored that feeling, i thought maybe i was too tired but I kept praying in my heart. We put all our belongings and went to the beach.

We played water, played sand, pulled each other to the water. After the sun set to the west side, we went back. I supposed to take the bath first while others watching TV outside. when i walked in to the bathroom on my bedroom, I felt strange again, I felt somebody was looking at me inside the bathroom made me stopped my legs but there was nobody in it, i was really scared and I shouted to my frens asked them wait for me inside the room. But it was not comforting me at all. I took my bath very fast and quickly join my frens

We have BBQ as our dinner while playing some games. Sleepy enough we decided went to bed. At first I choosed the side that near window but finally I giving it up to my fren. Because I felt really scare seems like somebody peeping me through the big window. I cant bear that anymore, I asked my fren to draw the curtain closed the window but the feeling didnt gone at all. I quickly closed my eyes and fall in sleep

The next morning I felt very tired bcoz I cant sleep well. My frens and I gathered together to have breakfast. and one of my fren told me that yesterday she saw "something".

She said that in the middle of the night she woke up and went to toilet
she didnt close the door as she thought all girls nothing to ashame off. She sat on the toilet bowl with face faced down side bcoz of sleepy, when she lifted up her head, she saw a girl stared at her with anger face outside the toilet, she quickly bang the door, she thought it was her friend who shared the same room with her, she scolded in heart why her fren stand outside the door stare at her like that. She openned the toilet door and walked out but the girl was not there anymore and she saw her friend slept in her bed soundly. She quickly shaked her fren’s body and woke her friend up. Asking why her fren stood in front of the door. Her fren claimed that she slept all the way didnt wake up at all and did not stare at her. My fren felt scared already. My friend did not dare to sleep one bed alone. they shared one small single bed together until morning.

After heard her story, I trust that my feeling actually is true. Quickly we packed our things and checked out in spot. Too scared to stay one more night

But I think now is quite crowded and I nvr heard such a strory from there anymore. My sista just backed from there, told me there is a lot of people having their vacation there. Maybe bcoz of huge human energy so "that things" do not dare stay close to us

= CaiXia =

Sky seems does not in blue color anymore
Waves seems telling out my loneliness
Many days I was cried over…
To drive away emptiness that torture my heart

    Your shadow still very clear in my mind
    Stay at every single corner on my heart
    Still I remember your hugs and promises…
    You will not go away whatever happens

I tried to endure my tears..
I tried to cover up the wounds..
Will the pain stay in me forever ?

Why….
You go away without a words
You’re tearing up my heart.

Why……
You do not speak out any single words
Its break my heart

Every story has its beginning and end
But why my pain never end…

I always talk to You when I pray
And have You watch me when I play
I want You to use me in a special way
And make my life shine everyday
Thank You Jesus for listening me
Bless Mommy Daddy and my family
And there’s one more thing I’d like to say
I love you Jesus more each day

    Thank You Jesus for being my friend
    Thank You for all the good and sad
    I glad You made me a big girl
    And give Mommy Daddy in His big big world
    You knew the right home to give me
    You always know what makes me happy
    Im glad that we have talks at night
    And I can feel safe till the sunshine bright
    And thanks for all the things You’ve given me
    Like food and toys especially my doll

There’s just one more thing I want you to know
Jesus, I really do love You so…….

Sorry for my stubborness

I was so surprised when I found my daily diary in the desk of my office, dun knw how the diary appears there.
this diary which was written by me on 1998 when I was on high school. 8 years ago.
it contained so many happy and sad memories that I almost forget totally.
it was so confused how can I forget such a sweet and funny things that ever happenned in my life.
what am i thinking of, what am i busying with, what am i need ? I dun understand
After I read my childhood diary, I found that last time I can easily felt happy with something simple
I can enjoy my everyday without burden. Go to school, meet my frens, studying, playing, all these simple activities seems made my life colorful. I can easily statisfied.

Different with now days.
I can not be easily statisfied
I must achieve a best future
There is so many things I need to plan and worried. I need to plan for my future and decide what is the best next step I shall choose. I have responsiblities on my work. I must growing up. I must matured. These things made me quite tired but the life must go on.
It aint im not happy with my lifes now but compare to my childhood, the life now more complicated.
But when I think the optimist way, it is a path that everybody should passed through.

I wonder if I have a time machine. Let me back to my childhood for once and let me feel the pure happiness one more time

Feeling wants to go to some peaceful place yesterday. BEACH appears on my mind when I was laying on my bed.
On considence my phone rang, its him, telling me he is nothing to do and want to meet me. And we went to the beach together.
No much talking when I was on his car. We just let the music on the car bring our thought flown anywhere. Seems he has problems, I can really see from his face. But I didnt ask anything.
He didnt ask me where I wanted to go and I just let him drove the car to where he wanted to.
I felt the route is longer than before maybe bcoz we kept silent. Finally we reached and I saw it’s a Resort
The place that we’d ever come last time.
We walked in the small path to reach the beach. I tried to find some funny topics to cheer him up but I failed because in that time I didnt really wish to talk much too.
The situation on the beach quite nice. I can smell the water and sand
Children everywhere with their parents, playing sand, playing water
Young men with their lovers or friends. Some playing volley ball and some jet skiing
We choose a place near the restaurants.
On the wooden chair we sat, also no much talking
I was thinking on my own problems and he’s too…
After a while we found a more comfortable seat on a open cottage, the place is higher and on the centre of the beach. At there we can see all the activities.
Felt in paradise when we were laying on the chair with the wind blew over my face and children sound.
Also saw a pair of couple holding hand together walking down the beach. Really wish I can be like them.
One by one of them left the beach bcoz quite late already 5PM but we just kept laying on the chair
Without notice I felt asleep also him laying on my shoulder. Its the first time I slept in the open place
I wouldn’t wake up If im not called by the waiter of the restaurants. We need to pay our bill as they must closed the restaurant already
Its 6.30 already when I saw my watch. No one on the beach they all have gone home. dark already with some lamps and birds’ sound. The situation on the place there perfectly nice, I cant even describe it with any words.
We prepared to go home and walked down the beach, before we walked too far, I turned back my head to see the place one more time. He asked me why I stopped in half. In that time I was so in love with him, afraid I have no chance come to this place again with him.
I answerred that I want to remember this moment but he told me we would come again
and I answerred him who knows if this will be the last time. He said this resort wants to stop the bussiness? If not it wouldnt be the last time. And I just gave him a straight smile.
He never knew the insecure i felt bout him in my heart.
We walked out, got inside the car and drove back…..